If you’re like me, you remember a time not long ago when the world didn’t seem so complicated. During what I would call the good old days, it looked like most people fell somewhere in the middle of the sociopolitical landscape. Civil discussions were the norm, and political affiliations rarely made themselves known in public.

When you become a leader, you learn quite quickly that your job comes with its fair share of conflict, challenges, and difficulty. Leadership is not about getting away from the day to day tasks and living on easy street in your corner office. In fact, handling and facing difficult challenges head-on is mostly what leadership is all about and a good majority of the challenging situations you will encounter are centered around communication.

Your role as a leader within your organization requires you to communicate effectively on several different levels. On a grand scale, you need to be able to share the vision for the organization; it's mission and big-picture thinking. You may also be responsible for crafting the way your organization communicates with the general public and media. Additionally, you need to be able to command a room in an inspiring way and run meetings and discussions with individuals from all levels inside and outside the organization.

What I have learned from the leaders that I have worked with throughout the years is that they are most challenged by the difficult and tough one-on-one conversations. As a leader, you absolutely cannot avoid these conversations and must transcend your fear of conflict and recognize that the only way to overcome a challenge is to work through it—not around it.

Avoiding Conflict Is a Business Killer

You may think that avoiding difficult conversations wouldn’t have much of an impact on your organizational health, but that’s where you are wrong.

According to studies, avoiding difficult conversations has a profound, negative impact on business:

• Avoidance translates into an adverse effect on shareholder value, profit, and revenue to the tune of up to 12%
• Avoiding difficult conversations impacts engagement, which leads to a 6.5% loss of productivity
• Over a period of three to five years, the avoidance of conflict leads to a loss in business results of up to 20%

I think we all know that avoiding difficult conversations can never lead to positive outcomes and simply prolongs or complicates matters. So why it is that we see so many leaders continue to sidestep conflict? We are only human, and for most of us, we would rather live and work in a conflict-free environment, and it’s only natural that we seek to avoid difficult interactions. However, your role as a leader requires you to step up and lead by example and deal with conflict and difficulty directly. If you don’t engage with your employees during both the positive and challenging times, you run the risk of creating employee disengagement.

Beyond shifting your mindset and avoid using negative language such as “challenging” or “difficult”—which will make it challenging or difficult because you labelled it as such—here are some tips to help you crack the code on tough conversations.

#1 — Activate Your Empathy
I think it’s important to understand that when an individual in your workplace is failing to live up to expectations, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad employee. The failure could be caused by several factors. Maybe they’re dealing with a death in the family or some other devastating personal issue. Or perhaps they simply don’t understand what’s expected of them and are otherwise operating with the best interests of the organization in mind. Ask yourself about the factors that could be at play and put yourself in your employee’s shoes before you sit down to have your discussion with them. When you do engage in the discussion ask them how they are doing and try and get to heart of the matter of what may be causing a shift in their performance.

#2 — Lead with the Coaching Style of Leadership
As noted above, when you label a conversation as “difficult” before uttering a single word, chances are the discussion is going to be a tense and unpleasant one. On the other hand, if you treat your conversation as a “normal” coaching conversation that you will facilitate like any other discussion, it will change the dynamic of the dialogue. Lead with questions that will help you uncover what might be causing a decline in performance. Ask the most powerful question of all—how they feel about their performance, or more generically, how are things going from their perspective, and then listen attentively. Ask additional leading questions and guide them on self-identifying what the issue is; be patient and listen, no interruptions.

#3 — Get Your Facts Straight
Be very clear on what the issue is and how it is impacting both their performance and the organization. Write down the reasons why you need to have the conversation and determine what you want the outcome to be. Identify the actual events and behaviors that have led to this point and be sure to honestly assess your role in the matter, too. Be prepared to support your case with data, if necessary, and make sure you use language that doesn’t inappropriately mischaracterize or amplify the issue. Also, stick to the facts, do not dramatize it with boisterous language that can be taken offensively or blow the matter out of proportion, which could backfire.

#4 — Avoid the Sandwich Approach
People are complex, and one bad characteristic or behavior does not cancel out the positive ones. Some experts recommend leveraging the good old “sandwich approach.” In other words, they recommend beginning the discussion with some words of praise and positivity and then move on to the difficult part of the conversation. Finally, be sure to end your conversation on a positive note. I characterize this as the old school style of leadership that most can see coming a mile away. It may also come across as unauthentic and transactional. If you have attempted tip #2 and they are just not getting it, then rip off the band-aid and share what is on your mind. Simply communicate that you are concerned about their performance and want to talk it through with them to better understand what is happening and how you can help.

#5 — Be Curious, not Judgmental
Instead of scolding an employee for under delivering, take some time to understand the reasons why they might be behaving in a certain way. Sometimes people do the wrong things for all the right reasons or perhaps that is what they were shown or instructed to do. If this is the case, you have a chance to leverage the coaching style of leadership and mold their positive instincts into behaviors and choices that better serve them and the organization. However, if the why behind the behavior reveals a deeper misunderstanding of expectations, you need to address the issue on a more elementary level.

#6 — Proactive vs. Reactive Response
Practice choice by taking a pause before you react. You cannot take back a bad or impulsive reaction so be self-aware and mindful before you choose your words and actions. Being reactive can exacerbate the issue and cause you to do or say things that you may regret later. If you need to have a difficult conversation, prepare yourself by visualizing how the conversation will go. Envision a positive outcome and realize that this is a moment in time that will pass. Prepare your mind and thinking with positive intentions, focus and a calm demeanor that will allow you to show up in a powerful and inspirational way for the recipient of the conversation. Taking a few deep breaths can also invoke the difference between a screaming match and a productive, meaningful conversation.

#7 — Reflect and Revisit
Once your difficult conversation has concluded, it’s important to take some time to reflect on the interaction. What went well? What could you have done differently? Could you have been more compassionate? Should you have been firmer? Every interaction represents a learning experience, not just for your employee, but also for you. Additionally, you need to understand that every single conversation is part of a larger, ongoing dialogue. Therefore, it’s crucial that you revisit the issue with your employee to make sure they are on the right track and understand what’s expected of them and how you can better support them.

Learn More About Handling Workplace Conflict

You can’t avoid conflict or difficult conversations within your organization, but you can always improve your ability to handle them. I believe in a grounded and compassionate style of leadership, yet a decisive and robust approach, but getting there isn't always easy for leaders. If you are interested in learning more about what it means to handle these discussions more effectively, I am here for you. Please reach out to me at joanne.trotta@leadersedgeinc.ca so we can explore this topic together. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

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