“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” - Daniel Goleman

I write and speak a lot about self-awareness because I believe it is one of the most fundamental skills that everyone should possess, and it is not only for those in leadership positions. Everything that makes a great leader comes from a healthy sense of self-awareness, whether it's the ability to outline a grand organizational vision or merely the ability to organize and run a meeting efficiently.

Unfortunately, our minds can sometimes work against our ability to be self-aware, especially when we’re stressed, busy or taking on too much at once. Self-awareness is a quality that requires continuous effort, improvement and sharpening, which is another reason why I write and speak about it so frequently. Even I feel the need to hone my awareness, and it's not always easy. That's why I have decided to outline some of the signs that indicate when your self-awareness might be slipping to help you get back on track.

By noticing these signs, it becomes possible to check in with oneself honestly and authentically to make the appropriate corrections and tweaks. It may feel difficult at first, but if you exercise it like a muscle, it will seem less like a workout and more like an essential aspect of your well-being.

What Is Self-Awareness and Why is it So Important?

The dictionary defines self-awareness as "an awareness of one's own personality or individuality." I would characterize it as the inner knowledge of one's own preferences, instincts, desires, and feelings, combined with an understanding of how others perceive us. It is about being in tune with who you are and showing up in the most powerful way you can to positively influence others in a way that will be meaningful to them based on their needs. It is also about understanding what other people’s perceptions are and being able to balance both internal and external perspectives in a positive way you balance the needs of both to be effective.

Self-awareness has become a business buzzword, which might lead many to believe that it’s just the latest fad in leadership development. But if you look at successful leaders over time, it’s apparent that the most effective leaders are self-aware, even before Daniel Goleman brought the concept to life. Abraham Lincoln, for example, understood his strengths as well as his weaknesses, which led him to create a cabinet that’s been described as a “team of rivals.” Lincoln was self-aware enough to understand that he didn’t possess all the answers and that his ability to lead would be strengthened considerably by a team of advisors made up of individuals with wide-ranging viewpoints, skills, and perspectives.

Sadly, while a large percentage of leaders would describe themselves as self-aware, only a small number of them demonstrate it consistently. And it’s often those who are most confident about their self-awareness who are, in fact, the least self-aware.

In a recent Harvard Business Review article titled What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It),Tasha Eurich, Ph.D., an organizational psychologist, and researcher, conducted ten separate investigations with nearly 5,000 participants. She examined the nature of self-awareness, why we need it, and how we can increase it. Her findings indicated that even though most people believe they are self-aware, only 10-15% of the people she studied fit the criteria.

Through the past five decades, researchers have used varying definitions of self-awareness. For example, some see it as the ability to monitor our inner world, whereas others label it as a temporary state of self-consciousness. Still, others describe it as the difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us.

Two broad categories of self-awareness kept emerging. The first, described as internal self-awareness, represents how we see our own values, passions, aspirations, our fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others. Internal self-awareness is associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness; it is negatively related to anxiety, stress, and depression.

The second category, external self-awareness, means understanding how other people view us, in terms of those same factors listed above. The research indicated that people who know how others see them are more skilled at showing empathy and taking others' perspectives. For leaders who view themselves as their employees do, their employees tend to have a better relationship with them, feel more satisfied with them, and see them as more capable in general.

One might assume that being high on one type of awareness would mean being high on the other. But Dr. Eurich found virtually no relationship between internal and external self-awareness. As a result, she identifies four leadership archetypes, each with a different set of opportunities to improve:

When it comes to internal and external self-awareness, it’s tempting to value one over the other. But leaders must actively work on both, seeing themselves clearly and getting feedback, to understand how others see them. The highly self-aware people that were interviewed were actively focused on balancing the scale.

Are you in Need of a Tune Up?

If you are concerned that your self-awareness may be slipping away, take comfort in the fact that you are here reading this—your interest in the topic is a positive sign that the spark of self-awareness within you is still glowing.

However, if you suspect that something internally may be causing a decline in your ability to lead, there are some signs you can look for to determine if you need a self-awareness tune-up:

People Are Afraid of You
When leaders lack self-awareness, they can compensate by becoming bullies. Feelings of fear or inadequacy get squashed and replaced by domineering tactics directed at others. They don’t want others to see weakness, so they compensate by being overbearing.

You Start Making Excuses
Avoiding, deflecting and blaming are classic defense mechanisms employed by those who lack self-awareness. Leaders who fail to accept responsibility by playing the blame game need to look inside themselves instead of looking at others.

You Are Overambitious
A lack of self-awareness can lead to over-the-top behaviors, plans, and declarations. Leaders use this grandiosity to convince people that they have everything under control and are engaged in impressive, visionary endeavors. But the truth is that perhaps they are too scared to confront the reality inside themselves.

People Notice Changes in Your Behavior
When leaders aren’t centered by a sense of self-awareness, their behavior can become inconsistent. Their moods change without acknowledgment, which leads to wildly erratic approaches to work and leadership. People may not say anything about these behavior changes, but their body language and attitude toward leadership will tell the story.

You Are Micromanaging
Leaders who focus too much on the little things are usually scared to confront the big issues in their organizations. A lack of self-awareness removes the confidence leaders would otherwise have in prioritizing, delegating and focusing on what matters.

How to Get Back on Track with Your Self-Awareness

If you've noticed any of the above signs, or you merely want to ensure that you keep your self-awareness muscles strong—here are some tips you can employ to make sure you remain connected to the truth about yourself:

• Practice Mindfulness — If you can take time to meditate, monitor your emotions and listen without judgment to your internal monologue, you will strengthen your self-awareness considerably.
• Take Note of Your Emotions — Letting emotions just come and go without acknowledging them is a sure way to lose your self-awareness. Instead, work to stay in tune with your feelings as they arise and find the language to describe them accurately to yourself. When you do this, you remove the chance that your emotions will begin to take control of your actions.
• Distance Yourself — As you go about your day, take time to narrate your activities and thoughts in the third person. Describe yourself to yourself as if you are reading about the actions of a character in a novel. This small bit of separation can make you aware of thoughts, emotions, and actions and you can quickly hit the reset button to get you refocused and back on track.
• Write it Down — Journaling is a terrific way to keep track of what’s happening within you. The act of writing connects you with what’s inside your mind, strengthening your awareness. And when you read through your journal’s entries, you can become more aware of patterns and tendencies that impact your thinking and behavior.
• Ask for Feedback – Seek out insights on how others are perceiving you, both formally and informally to get a balanced perspective. 360 tools can be useful, but we always recommend in-person, honest, and open feedback as the most effective means.
• Work with a Coach – A third-party outsider's view on how you might be showing up in the workplace and how you could enhance your performance and self-awareness is invaluable. They will bring in tools and resources to help you improve your level of self-awareness and overall success.

How Do You Maintain Your Self Awareness?

Self-awareness is essential in leadership--your behavior impacts the behavior of the others you lead and influence. The hard part is that it is not always easy to maintain and stay in tune throughout every moment of our busy days. Have you struggled with self-awareness? How did you notice you lost focus and perspective? What did you do to get back on track? Was your performance impacted as a result?

Let me know what you think by e-mailing me directly at joanne.trotta@leadersedgeinc.ca or reach out to chat at 1-855-871-3374.

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