Intensity, enthusiasm and charisma are qualities that many leaders possess naturally. These characteristics are not necessarily essential to leadership, but they help leaders gain the essential attention and buy-in from their people. Unfortunately, these qualities can be over-utilized, which often results in the opposite effect: When leaders are too intense and enthusiastic, or if they rely too heavily on their charisma, they can alienate their people and cause real damage to their relationships within their respective organizations.

It’s a tricky balance. On one hand, your ability to lead enthusiastically inspires passion and engagement from your team members. But on the other hand, if you turn the intensity dial too high, you will disengage your people in a way that tunes them out from your message. When you lose your people this way, it can be difficult to get them back on board with your leadership.

You don’t want to be disruptive or pushy, but you also don’t want to lose the special spark that makes your leadership compelling.

How do you walk that very fine line?

It Begins with Self-Awareness

Leaders who are grounded and are self-aware have the ability to step outside of themselves and see their leadership the way others do. When they hone into how they are showing up, they are much less likely to fall into the trap of being pushy or disruptive. They can calibrate their characteristics in a way that achieves the ideal amount of inspiration.

Think about it — if you are unaware of the fact that you are coming across as pushy, you have no way of knowing that you need to change your behavior. However, if you are self-aware about the way your leadership affects your team members, you have the ability to adjust, course correct and tweak your style.

You don’t have to sacrifice your authenticity, either. Some leaders are afraid that if they limit their enthusiasm or intensity, they will lose what makes them special. I would argue that the opposite is true. To me, a leader is most authentic when they can recognize their characteristics, become self-aware of how their people perceive them and transcend to a place where their leadership style is in perfect harmony with the needs of the people they are serving. When leaders recognize that they need to decrease their outward enthusiasm levels, it gives them the opportunity to show off some more subtle aspects of their personalities, which helps to paint a clearer and more authentic picture for their people.

So, how can you become more self-aware?

I suggest integrating a regular mindfulness practice into your daily routine. You can take 10 minutes to meditate daily, or you can find other ways to be mindful. For leaders, this means finding a way to disengage from the constant stream of thoughts, data, ideas and strategies that flood the mind constantly.

Here are some other ways to develop a mindfulness practice with a busy schedule:

• Take walks and focus on each individual step.
• Use the daily commute for quiet contemplation time.
• In conversation, practice listening with “fresh ears.” In other words, work to focus 100% on what is being said in the moment, without drifting off or formulating your next response.
• Instead of using lunchtime to multitask or have meetings, clear the calendar and deliberately engage your five senses as you enjoy your meal.
• Become a “single-tasker.” Multitasking is rarely mindful; in fact, it is quite mindless, as we cannot do multiple tasks or activities at the same time, which research has proven. Your focus and presence will improve considerably if you find a way to devote your energy to a single task at a time.
• Set reminders to meditate, breathe and focus. Use alerts, alarms or whatever tools you have at your disposal to remind yourself of the importance of being present.
• Keep a gratitude journal or diary. Even if you spend just one minute each day writing down something you’re grateful for, you will train your brain to be less self-involved and ego focused.

Once you start to build your brain’s level of self-awareness and mindfulness muscles, you will start to notice aspects of your leadership that make you feel uncomfortable. You may begin to realize that what you thought was enthusiasm is being perceived as pushiness or disruption. It doesn’t feel good to notice these characteristics about ourselves, but that is how we grow and develop. Taking notice is the first step on the path to shifting your behavior in a way that will produce more effective and meaningful outcomes.

‍
Transform Pushiness into Inspiration

If you have noticed that you tend to be pushy or disruptive, don’t feel bad. Your heart is probably in the right place; you just need to dial down the intensity and make some changes to your delivery and presentation. Although your people may feel alienated by your behavior, you haven’t lost them completely. They want you to be an effective, grounded leader — they are rooting for you to be the best version of yourself. Therefore, the steps you take to show that you are enhancing your skills and improving your relationships will be met with openness and positive reactions.

It is not easy work, and it may take some time to win people back over to your side if you have lost them along the way, but you can do it. You just have to make sure you commit to making the necessary changes and the steps you’re taking come from a genuine desire to improve, transcend and transform.

Some of the tips I recommend for making this transformation include:

• Frame tasks in terms of how they benefit the organization — Don’t demand that people do things for you; ask your people to perform tasks for the positive impact they will have on the organization. Frame your asks in a way that places them in the context of the big picture. It’s not about you!
• Be enthusiastic about big wins — And be extra enthusiastic about the wins you had nothing to do with. Share credit for wins, take the blame for losses and show your people that you are excited about their talents and contributions.
• Listen more — As a leader, your instinct might tell you that you should be the one to have the first and last word. Avoid this instinct and always err on the side of listening first. Pushy leaders walk into a room and demand to be listened to. Grounded leaders walk into a room feeling excited about what others have to say.
• Be more open — This goes hand-in-hand with listening more. People may say things that you don’t want to hear, but as a leader, you must listen to what they have to say.  When people know that you’re open to listening to them, they will be more truthful, forthcoming and direct.
• Step back — Micromanaging is one of the least desirable aspects of leaders, as far as employees are concerned. It can come across as incredibly pushy and obnoxious. When you ask one of your people to do something, let them do it and respect their professionalism. Expect that they will do what is necessary to accomplish the task, and that they will speak up if your intervention becomes necessary.
• Be Available — Rather than imposing yourself on your people and the flow of work, be a presence of authority, wisdom and inspiration from the sidelines. Make it clear that you are not going to interfere, but that your door is always open in case your guidance is needed.

Are You Leading with Self-Awareness?

Do you struggle with the balance between enthusiasm and pushiness? Is the line between intensity and obnoxiousness difficult for you to discern? You’re not alone. Most leaders struggle with finding the ideal tone for their people and their respective organizations.

Thankfully, you are aware that you can perform better, which puts you at an advantage. You can grow your self-awareness, which will lead to changes and tweaks that maximize your leadership abilities.

If you’re interested in learning more about how you can enhance your level of self-awareness and transform your leadership ability, I would love to talk. Feel free to call me at 1-855-871-3374 or send me an email at joanne.trotta@leadersedgeinc.ca. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

‍